I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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