omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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