trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
