so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
