We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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