I look better un-naked...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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