It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
