So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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