I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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