The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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