All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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