you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
