There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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