weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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