I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
