You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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