i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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