Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
