I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
