ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
