You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
