You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
