i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
