he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
