Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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