Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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