Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
