Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
