imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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