plz talk dirty to me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
