That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize