I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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