So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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