I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
