Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
