Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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