i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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