i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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