Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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