Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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