Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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