just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
