dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
