i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize