Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
