We're facebook friends in real life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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