I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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