Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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