how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
