I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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