I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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