i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
