His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
don't judge my taste in strippers
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
