imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
