I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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