quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
